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The new CERN nuclear accelerator is almost ready to turn on. In one year it will produce enough data to fill a 20 km high tall stack of CR-Rs. One CD-R is about 1.2mm thick. That is about 16,666,666.66 CD-Rs (or about 2,519,379.845 DVD-Rs). We’re gonna fuckin’ figure out this universe in no time! Just think about all that data!

I learned here that in 2006 there was enough digital data on the planet to fill 12 separate stacks of novels, each 93 million miles tall (to the Sun), and by 2010 12 stacks from the Sun to Pluto and back.

I can’t find any website where I can convert novels (in bytes) into CD-Rs, so I don’t exactly know how to compare these figures.

In this post from 2004, this man says that the Internet has less than half of 460 terabytes.

Unless my calculations are all fucked up, that 16,666,666.67 CD-Rs is about 10,579 terabytes.

That makes the data from one year of CERN use to come out to about 46 internets (2004-internets).

In this post from 2005, the Internet is 5 million terabytes. In this article from sometime in 2008, it says the CEO of Google said that the Internet is 500 million terabytes big.

That comes out to 47,263 years of CERN data.

The bottom line: The Universe better get a whole lot more interesting REALLY fucking fast if it is going to compete with the Internet.

After a bit of reflection I have completely changed camps on the fellatio competition issue. I was thinking too narrowly. After a little thought, “fellatio competition” started to sound provincial and unrefined. Now I’m thinking: Sex Olympics. Imagine something grand and cosmopolitan. No one should have any trouble coming up with some possible events. They will probably come to you in a steady succession until you forcibly direct your attention to something else. There are so many possibilities that it would be hard to choose. But please don’t post any of your ideas in the comments. Keep them to yourself. I’m trying to keep this site respectable.

I saw this article today. Who cares about how many, what gender and what nationality the people are. Doesn’t the world have enough problems without oral sex competitions? That is the take home message here today. It’s like: things are getting bad, people are losing jobs, all kinds of wars and hatred going around, everyone is on drugs, everyone has uploaded their life onto the internet, etc. and then someone says “I know, let’s have an oral sex competition!” Who the hell knows; maybe that is what the world needs. Another thing: you know it wasn’t a cunnilingus competition. Just great…a fellatio competition. A fucking fellatio competition folks. Yep, that is what it has come to. Just think about that. Pretty soon your kids will be watching fellatio competitions on the internet and text voting for their favorite. Just a thought.

First of all Xavier: Renegade Angel is a animated tv show. It is animated like those little cinematic interludes in computer games (is it called machinima? do people use that term?). They are all 10 minutes long or so. They are from cable television somewhere.

The whole show is discombobulated mumbo jumbo that gravitates around mystical hippy trippy “philosophical” blather. There is this delusional surfer harmless hippy bimbo freak (who has the legs of Pan, 6 nipples, a beak and one of his arms is a snake) speaks with this weird quasi valley girl accent, and when the accent really comes through (which happens to occur on the word ‘life’), it echos. He is consistently getting his ass kicked by redneck assholes who tell him to “taste the pain!” Xavier is what would happen if you took a world conjured up by nymphy crystal worshiping stoners who probably met someone who claimed to know something about philosophy one day when they were high, and who have fractals and rainbow unicorn posters all over their walls. If you took someone from that world and stuck him in some redneck zombie town, that would be my poor approximation of the strange world of Xavier. (And the title/logo looks like a cross between some old arcade game like Zaxxon and the animated tv show Jem (G.I. Joe/Transformers for girls).)

There are many repeating themes that, for some strange reason, do not get old. It seems to get funnier and funnier every time some red neck dudes start picking on Xavier and telling him to “taste the pain”. Instead of getting redundant, the echoing “life…life…life” gets weirder and weirder, like repeating a word until it sounds like nonsense. It is brilliant because it plays on profundity (primitive spiritual wisdom, philosophy, druggy guru shit, etc), and creates something that resembles this profundity out of total ridiculous nonsense.

Here are a couple memorable lines:

“You’re going away for a long time bliss baby.”

“What the human intimance you doin’, freak, beastia-ulatin’ that skeeter?”

This is going to be the second and last post about Keira Knightley. These posts are only nominally about Keira Knightley. She isn’t what we are really talking about here. It is the principle of Keira Knightley that we are really talking about. Now you may ask yourself, “what on Earth is he talking about? ‘The principle of Keira Knightley’?” Even though we say ‘fuck philosophy’ here at fuckphilosophy.com, we are still philosophers here. (When I say “we…here at fuckphilosophy.com” you can feel free to envision me as one of a staff of philosophers…and by the way, there are no philosophers anymore, and if I ever refer to myself as a philosopher you can take it as a joke, ok? Because that is what we do here at fuckphilosophy.com: we put the ‘fuck’ in ‘philosophy’. Yes, I bet you didn’t know that there is ‘fuck’ in ‘philosophy’. It’s in there, even if you can’t see it. That is philosophy right there, just think about that one. Philosophy is f-ing easy!) Philosophers talk about principles, and not the bag of bones that is Keira Knightley’s person. Philosopher’s talk about the principle of the matter, we are philosophers here, and yet we say “fuck philosophy”? So what is the principle of saying ‘fuck’ to philosophy? That will have to be addressed at a later date. Back to the matter at hand.

So, if we’re not talking about the bag of bones, that bag of protein water and bones, then what are we talking about? What I want to know is: how does Keira Knightley know how to do that? What is it that Keira Knightley does so well? One could say that she is sexy. It doesn’t quite describe it to just say that Keira Knightley is sexy, or really sexy or really really sexy. Saying she is “sexy” sounds so dumbed down, reduced to a quantity of some standardized common denominator stuff. I think there is a technical term in Hollywood for what we are talking about: “it”, as in “she’s got it”. You could call it ’star power’, but again with this dumbed down industrial strength nonsense. (”Dumbed down” is a dumb-ass term too. I feel dumb just saying it. I wish I could think of another. ‘Deflationary’, that is the word I was looking for.) It would be incorrect to say that Keira Knightley is just a human being like you or I. Sure we are all just bags of bones, but that isn’t what I mean. To say that she is a really hot one also doesn’t seem to do it justice. All these stupid words. Deflationary rough approximations of ineffable fucking nonsense. That is why I rather like the term “it”. Don’t ask what it is. You know what it is. And if you don’t, then I guess we can’t talk about it. And if you do, then we don’t have to talk about it, because you already know what I’m talking about. Fuck it.

In summary, the principle of Keira Knightley is not found within the bag of bones herself. The principle of Keira Knightley is different in kind from the principle of this staff philosopher here at fuckphilosophy.com. And finally, that famous quote from Wittgenstein: “What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence”.

First off, I just want to say that Adaptation is one of my favorite movies and I’m sorry if I’m not very charitable to Charlie Kaufman the man in this post. I can identify with his characters, and I am super critical of myself, so it is easy for me to be critical of him. He makes it easy too because he doesn’t mask it at all in his movies.

Here is my very uncharitable summary Kaufman’s work:

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INT. CHARLIE KAUFMAN’S APT – DAY

Charlie Kaufman is sitting at his typewriter or computer working. We see what he is typeing: “INT. CHARLIE KAUFMAN’S APT – DAY…Charlie Kaufman is sitting at his typewriter or computer working, we see what he is typeing: “INT. CHARLIE KAUFMAN’S APT – DAY…”" And all the while there is a voice over: This is a great idea! I’ve finally found it! Wait, maybe its too self-indulgent, I’M too self-obsessed! I’m pathetic.

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I don’t want to give Synecdoche, New York away, so I won’t. I haven’t actually seen the movie, but I read the script. It was actually really good (the script). Synecdoche, New York has very similar themes to Adaptation and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. One reviewer described it as a summation of his other movies, and I think that is pretty accurate. It clearly reprises the roles played by the neurotic of Nicolas Cage’s two characters in Adaptation and Jim Carrey’s in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It deals a lot with these characters’ relations with women, issues of inadequacy, unfulfillment, but also on these characters’ creativity, which often borders on the megalomaniacal. I can imagine Kaufman writing his next screenplay (also on similar themes) and his girlfriend realizing that there isn’t going to be just one movie on this topic, but one after another variation on these themes. She then starts to pity and detest him. But he’s Charlie Kaufman the great screenwriter… Yeah, but what is exciting about a guy who is trapped inside himself, can’t get out of this mise en abyme, not only that, he has hollowed out a cavernous space where he can lovingly model his own self-loathing and insecurities. In this way it is also a mise en abyme of Narcissus, in love with his own reflection.

I can imagine Charlie Kaufman growing up reading superhero comics and writing his own stories about superheroes. Then later he took a few psychology classes, read some Freud or something, and the result is stories of severly insecure day dreamers frustrated with the world, and also subject to almost blinding moments of super human inspiration. I suspect Charlie Kaufman’s father was not the one wearing the pants in the house either. I’m guessing that he had a mother who thought that he could only shit Tiffany cufflinks. Hence the themes of “having good ideas” and seeking approval from women.

I picture Kaufman writing and having what seem like empyrean insights. The other side of these moments of inspiration is that they are very isolating; one must get very wrapped up in their thoughts, to an almost paranoid and solipsistic extent. This is clear in the self-reference and the almost dissociation brought about by this. Kaufman is human though; one comes back from these creative depths wanting to share what you have discovered, to be able to commune with another like one is able to do with their ideas.

I guess I don’t know that Kaufman the man is anything like these characters. I assume he is, because Adaptation is about him adapting a book and that character is very similar to these other characters. Anyways, like I said, Adaptation is a GREAT movie, and Synecdoche, New York will probably be great too. Forgive my speculations on Kaufman’s character, but his is an interesting one.

First of all, before I get to the confession, I probably think about this too much, but I have had a hard time trying to figure out what to do with these blogs. Not that I don’t have anything to say, but I had this idea that the content would be somewhat focused. But I might just loosen the constraints a bit, starting with this confession.

This is a little embarrassing but I feel like I need to let it be known that I am making a clean break. I rented a Keira Knightley movie (it doesn’t matter which) from the school library today. I don’t know why I did it. Actually, it was a little premeditated. I downloaded it, but it wasn’t widescreen, so I didn’t feel I would be able to properly enjoy it. Anyways, I saw it at the school library today and rented it. I’d seen her before in another movie, and I guess… Sorry, I’m a little embarrassed. At some point during the movie I was wondering why my chest felt so tight; I had to keep reminding myself to breath fully. I’ll spare you the other details (that’s not what I meant – I don’t think Keira is that kind of girl). Now that I think of it, I have been moved by other love stories in the past, mind you, every time I was watching them alone. I guess it didn’t ever strike me as a problem until tonight. Like I said, I’m making a clean break. This doesn’t have to affect your image of me. I’m paying the censor extra to keep that part of me locked down.