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I think we should try to cover up events like mall stampedes and shootings, brawls, etc. We can’t let the rest of the world know this shit happens. We Americans like to hear about it, but people in other countries would get the wrong idea if they caught word of it. Newspapers shouldn’t carry the stories, people shouldn’t talk about it, malls should be cloaked in a surveilance and media-free zone. Maybe malls should be granted autonomous status, enter at your own risk, so America can wash their hands of mall stampedes and shit. They should be granted some kind of fronteir wild west trading post status. People should know that if there is a really big sale, then the employees and the customers need to come armed.  Damn that sounds American! Back to the cloaking idea. There needs to be a kind of cloaking bubble, the malls shouldn’t have windows either, maybe underground would be better, underground with nightvision goggles, except there would probably be way more deadly stampedes if the malls were underground. There should be no windows and lots of blind corners with those globe mirrors to see around the corners. There would probably be a crowds of vigilante/mercenaries standing at the edge of the cloaked shopping zone that will go shopping for you. It will need to just become silently understood that if someone went shopping and didn’t come back, then you don’t talk about it, the coronar understands, etc. (Americans, y’all understand this I know.)

Here is another idea: maybe they could create a kind of Everquest or what the hell ever other reality-usurping online games people play, an online game that is combined with online shopping, but not just a game – you actually buy stuff this way. Now we can put the malls underground, and you have to buy nightvision goggles and shit if you really want the good deals. There will still be mercenaries too. They are the people who make a living off this online shopping world. I like that idea, and I bet other Americans will like it too.

Afterthought: this second idea should be incorported into the Tron sequel that is coming (see my tronsequel.com blog). Getting sucked into some kind of second life/Everquest whatever shopping world, and then there would be all these stampedes in the dark, and a cloaked black market that is underneath the underground mall, where the really big deals go down.

I just realized that the English name for our planet is really weird: Earth. I’ve been reading a paper that uses this name over-and-over again. At some point I looked at the word and didn’t recognize it. It made me think of elephant ears, shaggy turf hanging over a drop-off out of a Loony Toons cartoon, like Bugs Bunny’s burrow. Like Dr. Seuss goofy looking elephants with shaggy tufts of hair. ‘Earth’ sounds like the name of the planet where all these tufty goofy creatures burrow in the shaggy turf, and have crooked bucked teeth and are named Earl and they can’t even pronounce ‘Earth’ because of their teeth, sounds more like “Earf”.

I have questions about the standard urinal design. They’re all pretty much the same. Here is the question: Where should I be pissing? Where should I aim? This is actually an honest question. Just because the word ‘fuck’ is in the name, doesn’t mean we’re not serious here at fuckphilosophy.com. 

Here is a description of the urinal: There is this large wall that curves out on each side. So one option is to blast straight into the wall. The problem is this: Try this in shorts. If you have hairly legs like a man (like me) your hair will ring like antenna as thousands and thousands of piss mist coat your leg hair. I don’t like the idea of all this mist to be getting all over my pants. So, I don’t think that the wall is meant to pissed straight into. 

Sometimes there is a blue disc in a little plastic cage, or other kinds of mats and shit. I used to think these cages and shit were a good thing to piss at, because you weren’t just plowing straing into a wall, but it would all get caught up in the cage and there would be no mist. But then the other day I went back to my office desk and looked down and noticed a bunch of blue shit on my pants. Chunks of that blue disk were splattered all over my pants. So, now I’m not so hot on my piss-on-the-cage technique.

At the bottom of the urinal there is often a little pool. I don’t think most people piss into the pool. I’m pretty sure I’ve paid attention to whether other people were pissing into the pool. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s what it seems like. Anyways, I’m pretty sure the pool has the same mist problem.

The technique that I currently think is the best is to try to find a surface that you can get a really low angle at. By “low” angle, I mean pissing at the surface at as close to parallel to the surface as you can. I’m not so tall, so sometimes I stand on my tiptoes so that I have a little more height on the wall. My theory is that if you get a really low angle on it, the surface will just catch it all, no spray. It would be the difference between snowboarding on a halfpipe and landing on the flat surface at the top, or coming right back down into the halfpipe again.

Also, that weird jaw that comes out at the bottom that has the pool in it? The only thing I can think is that that jaw is there to catch drips.

There ya go – my collected wisdom on using urinals.

Oh yeah, I don’t know how we came up with this urinal design, but it could be improved upon. I’ve got some plans drawn up. Contact me.

What does it mean to say that a deterministic universe produced creatures that can have the thought: I could’ve done something else? What does this say about the universe? Of all the possible deterministic universes/different possible configurations/etc. we happen to occupy one in which we can conceive this fact, and not only that, but we have a very strong intuition that we have freewill. What does it mean to say that a deterministic universe produced creatures whose first intuition is to say that they have freewill? Doesn’t this seem a little incongruous? Kinda disingenuous (of the universe)? Is it strange that a deterministic universe would produce creatures that could conceive of determinism? Or does that just make sense in a fractal-like way? A prank? (Actually, to say that our first intuition is to say we have freewill is probably inaccurate. Rather, I’m guessing that the concept of freewill arrived simultaneously/immediately following as the concept of determinism/fate arose. It was in contrast to the idea of fate and determination that we wanted to say we had freewill. The concept of determinism caused us to conceive of freewill.) If this a deterministic universe, then what causes me to say I have freewill? There is a phenomenological feel that I describe as freewill. So the phenomenology is causing me to have this thought? I have a very strong intuition to say that the decision as to whether or not what I am doing is free or not MUST be something judged from conscious phenomenology, and NOT something that is produced unconsciously and is served up epiphenomenally. But why? Why would a deterministic universe produce creatures who would have strong intuitions that freewill is a sensation that is felt consciously?