sissy-ass train conductors
Remember the good ol’ days, back before when train conductors starting sending text messages? What a bunch of little girls those train conductors have become. Am I right? I’m preaching to the chorus, I know. Next thing ya know they’ll be dressing their online pony friends, and hanging out in chat rooms for ponies. But this post isn’t really about what a bunch of sissies these train conductors have become. No, this is fuckphilosophy.com, and here we are concerned with the principles behind the matter. While I’m happy that there will be no more train wrecks because of text messaging, I think there were some other options that may not have been considered apart from just banning train conductors from text messaging. Here are some: they could’ve just put a cell phone scrambling device in the conductor’s lair. Whatever, that one was stupid, but there are tons of possibilities. The most compassionate and all-around win-win of all the possibilities was that they could require that train conductors get certified to send text messages with their eyes closed. Or some other incentives like for every text message they don’t send on their shift, maybe they get an extra five dollars or something. That might not work, because you could just make up some number of text messages that you really wanted to send, but refrained from. You could also reward train conductors who catch other train conductors who are about to send text messages. That might work. Or they could just hire someone to stand there and watch to make sure no one sends text messages. Anyways, you see that there are lots of great options out there besides just banning train conductors from texting.
September 20th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
My favorite part of this post is the term “conductor’s lair”
September 21st, 2008 at 10:31 am
OR you could equip cell phones with a chip which can read the rate at which the phone is moving relative to the surface of the earth, and then zap anyone who tries to text when they’re moving really fast.
OR you could configure conductor’s text messages so that words are replaced to say completely wrong and unpredictable. Threatened by the possibility that their “I love you” text might come out as “I pie ocean” they wouldn’t want to take that chance.
Or we could just ban movement, we could legislate 24/7 stillness. This would make trains unnecessary. Yes….very nice.
September 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Good points Raleigh. Only problem is that trains are an inherent good. From that it follows that we must move as well in order to use and watch the trains go by.
Had another thought. We could redesign the controls of trains so that they are controlled by text messages. That might allow those sissies do their job and text all day while they’re at it.
When you hear “conductor’s lair” you should imagine a door with that written on it. A door that when you knock on it, you think you might have heard a response, but it isn’t clear. You peek in the door to find smokey darkness. Lots of nooks. And that sissy-ass conductor texting in one of those dark nooks.
September 21st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
We’re not out of the woods yet I say. We shall ban inherent goods. Spread the meme……Instrumentality is the new God.