Skip to content

Urinal Design

I have questions about the standard urinal design. They’re all pretty much the same. Here is the question: Where should I be pissing? Where should I aim? This is actually an honest question. Just because the word ‘fuck’ is in the name, doesn’t mean we’re not serious here at fuckphilosophy.com. 

Here is a description of the urinal: There is this large wall that curves out on each side. So one option is to blast straight into the wall. The problem is this: Try this in shorts. If you have hairly legs like a man (like me) your hair will ring like antenna as thousands and thousands of piss mist coat your leg hair. I don’t like the idea of all this mist to be getting all over my pants. So, I don’t think that the wall is meant to pissed straight into. 

Sometimes there is a blue disc in a little plastic cage, or other kinds of mats and shit. I used to think these cages and shit were a good thing to piss at, because you weren’t just plowing straing into a wall, but it would all get caught up in the cage and there would be no mist. But then the other day I went back to my office desk and looked down and noticed a bunch of blue shit on my pants. Chunks of that blue disk were splattered all over my pants. So, now I’m not so hot on my piss-on-the-cage technique.

At the bottom of the urinal there is often a little pool. I don’t think most people piss into the pool. I’m pretty sure I’ve paid attention to whether other people were pissing into the pool. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s what it seems like. Anyways, I’m pretty sure the pool has the same mist problem.

The technique that I currently think is the best is to try to find a surface that you can get a really low angle at. By “low” angle, I mean pissing at the surface at as close to parallel to the surface as you can. I’m not so tall, so sometimes I stand on my tiptoes so that I have a little more height on the wall. My theory is that if you get a really low angle on it, the surface will just catch it all, no spray. It would be the difference between snowboarding on a halfpipe and landing on the flat surface at the top, or coming right back down into the halfpipe again.

Also, that weird jaw that comes out at the bottom that has the pool in it? The only thing I can think is that that jaw is there to catch drips.

There ya go – my collected wisdom on using urinals.

Oh yeah, I don’t know how we came up with this urinal design, but it could be improved upon. I’ve got some plans drawn up. Contact me.