Skip to content

Mall stampedes

I think we should try to cover up events like mall stampedes and shootings, brawls, etc. We can’t let the rest of the world know this shit happens. We Americans like to hear about it, but people in other countries would get the wrong idea if they caught word of it. Newspapers shouldn’t carry the stories, people shouldn’t talk about it, malls should be cloaked in a surveilance and media-free zone. Maybe malls should be granted autonomous status, enter at your own risk, so America can wash their hands of mall stampedes and shit. They should be granted some kind of fronteir wild west trading post status. People should know that if there is a really big sale, then the employees and the customers need to come armed.  Damn that sounds American! Back to the cloaking idea. There needs to be a kind of cloaking bubble, the malls shouldn’t have windows either, maybe underground would be better, underground with nightvision goggles, except there would probably be way more deadly stampedes if the malls were underground. There should be no windows and lots of blind corners with those globe mirrors to see around the corners. There would probably be a crowds of vigilante/mercenaries standing at the edge of the cloaked shopping zone that will go shopping for you. It will need to just become silently understood that if someone went shopping and didn’t come back, then you don’t talk about it, the coronar understands, etc. (Americans, y’all understand this I know.)

Here is another idea: maybe they could create a kind of Everquest or what the hell ever other reality-usurping online games people play, an online game that is combined with online shopping, but not just a game – you actually buy stuff this way. Now we can put the malls underground, and you have to buy nightvision goggles and shit if you really want the good deals. There will still be mercenaries too. They are the people who make a living off this online shopping world. I like that idea, and I bet other Americans will like it too.

Afterthought: this second idea should be incorported into the Tron sequel that is coming (see my tronsequel.com blog). Getting sucked into some kind of second life/Everquest whatever shopping world, and then there would be all these stampedes in the dark, and a cloaked black market that is underneath the underground mall, where the really big deals go down.